June 3, 2016


Knowing ourselves isn’t the “old” knowing. It’s not being comfortable because we have a fixed position. It’s being uncomfortable in creation of the new. Walking on shifting sands. Letting go of hand holds on the shore of the stream. Or perhaps having a foot in both worlds.


Could you come be with me, Lord. Take a bite of my sandwich. Look out my window. It is “our” table and window and sandwich. I made a decision for myself today, but it did not free me. Now I am distracted by it. Help me immerse myself in something else…anything. Hold me, talk to me, ease the gut ache. Help me not keep saying “stupid, stupid” to myself. This is not the way of a woman of integrity. We women of integrity make a decision and stand by it. 

Oh, Lord, if you would help me, lift me, I would be so appreciative. So appreciative. 

You feel that you did what you needed to do but that you did not do it in the right way. This is a pretty continual distraction. Then you wonder—what does it matter? I have done what I needed to do. Then you backtrack and feel that it is not what you do that matters, but the way you do it. Then you look back on your life and feel that if this is so, your life has been a mess. Is this not correct?

Yes, pretty much. Oh, Lord, I do not want to be here, or to be here ever again. 

Let’s go forward newly, then. We go forward newly, you and me. Let everyone else go for the moment. Let all of what you call your enabling of the past go, so that you can see that you are attempting to enable yourself. You are attempting to make yourself able to do what brings you joy. You are feeling into your various desires and giving to them a little attention—just enough to keep the fire burning as you venture into the new. You have “your people” who you trust implicitly, and your instinct tells you to gather them around you and stick with them, and that together, you will proceed on the palm strewn path of Christ consciousness. You will throw no more garbage on the path but line it with palms. You need not fight against the stream any longer. You have chosen not to. This is not the time to fault yourself for how you made the choice, but to celebrate the choice and keep going. Keep letting go of what doesn’t serve you. Keep letting go of the hands that hold you back. You are not used to this, and this is why it disturbs you so. You cannot continue to feel the same loyalties that you have in the past. You made the choice that you did …so that you could attend to the new. Now…attend to the new.

Help me let yesterday go, Lord. Let it go to be no more. Let me welcome the newness of today. I opened Creation of the New this morning to “Life is disguised as a constancy of split attention.” I do not want that. It is the last thing I want. And I know it somehow is an inner matter. The split attention comes from inside of me. I want nothing more than I want to end this and to be clear going forward. Let me not sit here pining to have something be different, to have people “get me.” Help me let go with peace and love, so that I can be free. And let me be free wisely.

You are at the center now. Like the rock that diverts the stream. You are here to divert the stream, to turn it in a new direction.